For the last five years, I’ve gone on an extended BWCA adventure with my friend Nora. In 2019, she even agreed to go with me while I was 6.5 months pregnant. For the first time ever, we also tipped our canoe in very chilly water. Feel free to read the full blog on that trip here: TWO WOMEN IN THE BWCA + A 6-MONTHS PREGNANT ADVENTURE

In 2020, Nora and I had planned to venture out after my sweet little baby turned 1. We left four days after his birthday for a 5 night/6 day trip into Mudro and out Angleworm. This was an exact reverse of the very first trip we did together 5 years ago. Those of you that know Angleworm...it’s a 2.25 mile portage!

FYI….we do love portaging. We love packing efficiently and lightweight for daily travel. The more remote, the less people, the quieter, the better.

I dream of this annual girls’ trip long before it arrives every year. The BWCA fills my soul in the absolute best and unexplainable ways.

However, this time I had simultaneous anxiety/excitement because I would have to prepare to leave my baby! I was both ready and excited, and yet not ready at all...sort of devastated.

There were a lot of emotions going into that trip, but ultimately I KNEW I would feel good about having gone. And to cut to the chase- I did. I had a great time.

Looking back, leading up to the trip was the real hard part. To seek validation for my doubts and insecurities, I took to the internet. Several searches only left me with blog articles exclaiming that I could take my baby with me! While that sounds awesome, and I certainly adore my outdoor time with my northwoods baby, I knew I needed this annual wilderness girls trip to remain that - just me and my friend Nora. And our dogs. That’s the magical soul-filling recipe.

When I didn’t find my mommy-validation on the internet- that I wanted to take a wilderness trip without my baby, I started looking into how I could logistically make it happen. At the time I was breastfeeding. I ordered a Medela hand pump and the only thing I could figure for a multi-day, multi-portage, light-weight trip was to hand pump and dump that liquid gold (using Leave No Trace Principles of course). I resolved to psych myself up for it. I didn’t want to give up breastfeeding if my baby wasn’t ready. I really thoroughly enjoyed that time with him. In turn, I also didn’t want to give up my remote trip. Seeing absolutely no one but Nora and the dogs out in the BWCAW is my favorite thing.

After I solved my pumping dilemma, I went back to worrying about being some kind of bad mom because the internet told me bad ass outdoorsy moms bring their babies with them. So instead of continuing THAT unhelpful chatter in my head, I began to seek my validation elsewhere. It took awhile.

After some soul-searching I recalled that I actually HAVE heard the narrative and proof I’d been looking for before. It was at YOGA RETREATS! For years, mothers have been coming to our retreats and telling us in opening/closing circles that they NEEDED THIS TIME AWAY. Self-care and adventurous experiences independent of their kids is important. To be the best version of themselves, and at the same time the best mother to their children. Yes, thank goodness, I had heard the narrative before. This first time mama definitely needed it. Mommy-independence-validation wasn’t on the internet about the BWCA, but thank goodness for my mama community at Boreal Bliss. Ya’ll gave me so much courage that I could do this. Thank you for leading by example.

With hand-pump tested and ready, I began to believe in myself that I could do this after all. BUT THEN, at just over 11 months old, my sweet little guy just all up and quit on me. In hindsight that was real considerate of him. At the time, I was very emotional over it. I will forever cherish our 11 months of nursing.

A month later, Nora and I went on to have THE BEST five nights and six days ever. The fall colors changed before our eyes. The crisp morning air was unbelievable. The stars were spectacular. The Boundary Waters in the Fall is certainly somethin’ magical.

I reconnected with a version of myself that I had lost over the last year and a half plus. Pregnancy and first-time-momhood brought so much focus on the brand-new love of my life. I needed time to myself to remember who I was at my core. I’m so proud of myself for going, and finding ME again.

I jumped in the cool lake water on several occasions for that refreshingly familiar ZING I love. Nora found the perfect bear hang spots, and hiked all around and exclaimed at random finds, like animal poo - ya know, her fav. We both hammocked, laughed at the dogs, star gazed, journaled, read, sat in awe and silence and just LIVED IT UP! Nora helped me fine tune my tree identification skills. I mean- since when did I have time to lay in a hammock and dissect all the different features of various trees and test my knowledge while Nora quizzed me?! NEVER! But I did then, because I was in the BWCA by MYSELF with NO AGENDA!

We also had our “interesting” moments. Super dirty (normal), dry, and especially cracked hands from the dry fall air. One night where the temps dropped below freezing. Our last lake we were lucky to get a campsite at all due to a gorgeous weather weekend in the fall, and a larger demand due to the pandemic. Getting my period for the first time in two-years on our second-to-last day! Luckily I had packed my menstruation cup, but unluckily it had gotten covered in sunscreen at some point- thank you boiling water.

Mishaps and all- it was the very best. As usual, we laughed our way through it and practiced immense gratitude for the opportunity.

I recall two times during that trip when I felt a deep ache for my baby that was unlike any feeling I’d experienced prior to having him. When that feeling washed over me I took my journal and wrote about how much I love him and miss him, and then about how much I needed this time and how good it was for me. That helped. Reminder and lesson: I can do hard things.

Hugging my baby after the trip was finished was amazing! I missed him so much, yet definitely not enough to not do things like that for myself again. I know it’s best for me, it’s best for him, it’s best for our family. I hope that my little guy grows up proud of his mama for doing soul-filling things like heading into the BWCA with her gal pal. I also can’t wait to share my special place with him someday, but for now I’m one bad ass mama that wants her alone time in the boundary waters.

If you, like me, are in need of validation for your next soul-filling, kidless excursion:

GO ON THE TRIP MAMA!

BECAUSE THE BWCA IS SO NEAR AND DEAR TO US, PLEASE CHECK OUT THE FOLLOWING:

Save the BWCA

The Campaign to Save the Boundary Waters is leading the effort to ensure permanent protection for the Boundary Waters Wilderness, America's most visited Wilderness and Minnesota's crown jewel, from proposed sulfide-ore copper mining. Boreal Bliss Yoga Retreats is now part of the Save the BWCA Business Coalition. Please visit www.savetheboundarywaters.org and support in anyway you can.

Friends of the Boundary Waters Wilderness

Since 1976, Friends of the Boundary Waters Wilderness has been the voice for clean water and wilderness. Our vision for the future of this national treasure lies at the intersection of people, communities and wilderness. Please visit www.friends-bwca.org and support in anyway you can.

Leave No Trace Principles

The Seven Principles of Leave No Trace provide an easily understood framework of minimum impact practices for anyone visiting the outdoors. Although Leave No Trace has its roots in backcountry settings, the Principles have been adapted so that they can be applied anywhere — from remote wilderness areas, to local parks and even in your own backyard. They also apply to almost every recreational activity. Each Principle covers a specific topic and provides detailed information for minimizing impacts. Read more here: https://lnt.org/why/7-principles/

Go on the Trip Mama: a reflection of my annual gal pal BWCA excursion