A Birth Story * Welcoming Eowyn Lucille
For any of our dear readers who may be on a journey through fertility challenges, this blog may be one to skip. We are here for you and we see you.
The road to a VBAC
In February 2020, I found out five days before my firstborn’s due date that my baby was likely close to ten pounds. Our Doctor recommended a C-section. I was devastated. We hemmed and hawed and reviewed the statistics, and ultimately decided that a C-section the next day was the safest option for our little one. When the Dr. held up Oslo Wander the first words she exclaimed were, “wow! Look at those shoulders!” He had very broad shoulders for a little baby, not surprising if you’ve ever seen my husband Drew. As a teen his buddies would say, “you can take off your shoulder pads now!”
I felt a lot of shame about the C-section. I worried that it was my fault.
I had gestational diabetes and even though I ate very carefully and almost never had blood sugar readings over the recommended limit, I still felt it was my fault. Generally though, I had a great experience with a planned C-section. Oslo was born healthy and I was able to walk over a mile within a week (rare for many cesarian moms).
When I learned I was pregnant this time, I shared my desire to attempt a vaginal birth after c-section (VBAC) with my Dr. at one of the first appointments. I wanted this experience so badly that I met with the nutritionist and started tracking my blood sugar at about 14 weeks (normally you don’t start tracking until 26-28 weeks). I think my Dr. thought this was a little extreme, but it also wasn’t harmful so she was okay with it.
I was extremely careful and didn’t even touch carbs or sugar for the last 5.5 months of pregnancy.
Through two rounds with Gestational Diabetes I’ve learned a lot about my relationship with food, eating in ways that nourish, and new ways of cooking.
I’m really excited about our upcoming NOURISH retreat which will focus on these themes, and will include a book club around a recipe book I’ve fallen in love with called Run Fast, Cook Fast, Eat Slow. But more on that another time!
At 38 weeks we had an ultrasound to check on baby’s size. She was measuring 7lbs and 13 oz, small enough that it was safe to attempt the VBAC. I was thrilled!
The three weeks leading up to her birth were the kind of weeks that parents dread- when a plague descends on the house and everyone falls sick.
First Oslo came down with a fever that got as high as 105 and lasted a few days before transitioning into a runny nose, congestion, cough, and sore throat. Then Drew got it. Then I got it.
Then, Oslo’s daycare family came down with a nasty stomach bug. So Oslo was home with me for ten days in a row, ultimately starting my maternity leave early (and will end up cutting my leave short). Oslo went back to daycare for two days, and then he too came down with the stomach bug.
Caring for a sick toddler while you yourself are sick, your husband is sick, and you are 38-39 weeks pregnant is ummm… special. Lol.
The Friday before Eowyn was born Drew came down with the stomach bug. While he was up helping Oslo with loose stools, he threw up and then fainted (luckily onto the bed).
This was what we were dealing with. Haha!
Saturday morning Drew was resting, still under the weather. The dog puked. The cat puked. (These pukes were unrelated to said virus, they were just the dog being the dog and the cat being the cat).
I took Oslo to Brighton Beach where we luxuriated in some sunshine on the swings. The walk back to our car was very, very slow going as Oslo was tired and it was my due date. I was having contractions about 20 minutes apart, but having never experienced contractions I thought maybe they were just Braxton Hicks.
By that afternoon the storm clouds moved off and the sun started shining. Drew woke up feeling much better. We sanitized every surface, washed all the sheets, and threw open the windows. It felt we were finally turning the corner.
When I went to sleep I was still experiencing the mild contractions, but wasn’t sure if it was anything or not. At 3:00 am I woke with a jolt, “whoa, that was a big one!” I thought and debated whether I should wake up Drew or sneak downstairs to go through some contractions on my own first. Just then, I heard the door to our bedroom creak open and footsteps gingerly step in. Little did I know that Drew had been unable to sleep and had been downstairs. He had finally felt sleepy enough to come up. Just as he walked in the door I felt a warm gush of water. “Drew? My water just broke.”
The adrenaline kicked in and we headed to the hospital.
After 15.5 hours of contractions consistently 3 minutes apart, I was finally dilated 5 cm. I was vibrating through my entire body with each contraction and the pain was intense. At that point the Dr. thought I was far enough into labor that I could have an epidural. Funnily enough, I had no idea what an epidural was. I thought it was just a pain med to take the edge off, I had no idea it would paralyze me from the waist down, lol! I was very thankful for the break as I was exhausted. I took a short nap and my body relaxed and dilated to 7cm.
When I woke up at 7pm the Dr. told us they prepped the OR because the baby’s heartbeat was in the 40s during each contraction. While it was scary, my Dr. was extremely calm and I felt safe in her care. She told me the pushing part of labor could last 10 minutes or 4 hours. After such a long time to get to 5 cm dilated, I fully expected to push for hours.
After one push the Dr. said she could see hair.
We were shocked! In six pushes (over the course of three contractions) she was out!
Drew exclaimed, “it’s a GIRL!” He was genuinely so excited and surprised. I said, “Really?! It really is?!” We couldn’t believe it!
That evening Drew and I ordered Pizza Luce. The nurses were so kind and gave me a piece of cake. It was heaven after 5.5 of no carbs or sugar!!!
Her name: Eowyn Lucille
We named her Eowyn Lucille. Eowyn (sounds like A-O-win) is a fierce shield maiden from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Lucille is my maternal grandmother’s middle name, and one of the very best people I know. A name is a gift from parents to their children and we hope this one is imbued with a bit of magic.
Some final thoughts
While I had really been hopeful for a VBAC, I was also very realistic about the fact that it might not be in the cards. I was genuinely surprised by how much shame I felt about having a C-section. Having experienced both a C-section and vaginal birth I can confirm they are both HARD. There seems to be a lot of stigma around having a so-called “natural” birth, birth without an epidural, breastfeeding, and the use of formula. Parenting is hard enough without adding the pressure of these expectations.
If you were able to have a vaginal birth without the use of an epidural- amazing! If you were able to breastfeed for a year- amazing! If you were induced, pushed for hours, and ended in an emergency c-section- amazing! If you tried and tried and tried to breastfeed your baby but the latch just wasn’t there and you spent hours every day pumping- amazing! If you tried and tried but couldn’t supply enough milk to keep the baby full and used formula- amazing! All of this is hard! You are doing a great job!
I think we need to work a bit harder on making sure other mothers know that however a baby makes it into this world is a miraculous feat of strength and resilience!
I think we need to help other moms know that a fed baby is best, however that baby is fed!
No matter how a baby enters the world or is nourished, these are experiences of great privilege. We need to be a bit more gentle with one another.
“Boobs engorged
nipples raw
vagina shredded and swollen
heart content
and already I’ve forgotten the pain of yesterday
the vibrations humming through my whole body
the trembling yells that could only be soothed by holding onto your Dad
the waves of nausea
and I’d do this a dozen more times if I could
because the outcome is your perfect lips, tiny ears, whispering breath, chirruping hiccups
I marvel at how only yesterday your whole perfect body was wedged below my ribs
and the sound of my heartbeat your entire world
tethered together at the belly button
and although the tether has been cut
there will always be an invisible cord between us
I hope I can always be a safe vessel for you
a warm blanket to snuggle up in
and no matter how old you get,
sometimes you will still want your mom
just as this week, I wanted mine”
