A check-in with the BB gals
Amanda, Bryana, Joella, and Stacy check-in on how they are coping. We found it helpful to see how one another were feeling- might be helpful for you too. It’s validating simply to read how others are feeling and know that you are not alone. Maybe even take out a piece of paper and pencil and jot down how you are feeling before you read.
Bryana
I transition between feeling like this experience is an introvert’s dream, to feeling a tightness in my chest and anxious racing thoughts.
Some days, I kinda’ love this on a personal level. For me it’s an opportunity to slow down, spend time with my little family, actually do things for myself (like exercise, take yoga classes, and cook - I love to cook). I haven’t needed to use a breast pump in WEEKS, and it is amazing. I’m able to nurse my 6.5 month-old baby all day, everyday. My husband and I have noticed that he is so VERY HAPPY with having us both around. His sleep has improved immensely, and we’ve been getting outside for hikes everyday. Baby has been laughing and smiling so much. It’s fun to be around him, and watch him change and grow everyday. Right now it’s maple syrup season so we are tapping trees, and boiling sap to syrup outside.
Professionally, I also kinda’ love this. Normally, I spend A LOT of time driving everywhere for my jobs, both as a yoga teacher at multiple locations, and as a psychotherapist between two different offices. I have found virtual yoga classes, and telehealth therapy sessions, to both be pretty slick to use, and nice to be at home between the sessions and classes. No drive-time, and more time to be with the family….and did I mention not having to use a breast pump!?
On the flip-side, I sometimes experience intense anxiety and sadness.
Personally, I notice that my energy is buzzing, and hard to settle. I’m not exactly sure how/why I feel this way, because it’s hard to have a quiet moment to myself to completely figure it out (...6.5 month-old baby!).
I feel a lot of grief, sadness, and overwhelm when I think about what is happening in the world, and what’s heading our way. I worry about my loved ones. I worry about my students, my clients, everyone. I worry about what the heck is going to happen next?
I know that meditation, journaling, yoga, spending time outside, and running all help me immensely. It’s harder to jump to one of those things exactly when I need it, while I’m at home balancing family life at the same time.
Professionally, I wonder if I’m doing enough. I’m in the helping profession, both in my work as a yoga teacher and in psychotherapy. I find myself wishing I had more time to work. I want to help! When there is a crisis, I want to do it all.
I also worry about being self-employed and providing for my family. I am self-employed in yoga and in psychotherapy. It’s completely up to me. If I don’t work, I don’t make money. I love it, and I worry about it. Will it all work out? I have a million ideas, and not enough time to do them all - but what if the ones I do have time for don’t pan out? How long will this virtual psychotherapy and online yoga “work”? Can I sustain it? Will people stick with me/us?
Balancing family and work is tough, and increasingly difficult at home - in a very small house! The reasons I love being at home are the same reasons I find it challenging to be at home. It is difficult to have uninterrupted work-time in a small home with a baby, husband, dog, and cat. While I’m typing this, the narrative from my husband in the other room is, “You’ve got poop all over! He’s got poop up to his nipples!!” You guys… I’m not kidding, this is actually happening right now. This is real life! LOL. I love it, and it’s challenging at the same time. But I digress….. I’d like more time to make sure I have all of my paperwork completed for my telehealth psychotherapy sessions. I’d love to record more yoga classes for our online yoga platform. I’d love to teach more live virtual classes, and participate in more live yoga classes. Maybe this is all teaching me that I need to start with myself, and my family. I can only do what I can do - slow down Bryana. That’s hard for me. My mind is constantly moving - what can I do next?!
One last thing that’s hard for me: not knowing. I am a detail-oriented person. I always have a plan. A few weeks ago I had my life planned out for the next 6-12 months. All professional and personal dates were recorded on my calendar. I had a plan. Now I don’t. I’m flying by the seat of my pants and I have no idea what I’m doing. That gives me a tightness in my chest.
This all brings me back to….. Ok life is uncertain, confusing, a rollercoaster ride, and this time at home is really showing me an understanding of myself. I need to come to terms with my work obsession. I can tap into my love of being with my family, and outside more. I can balance this.
Before I had a baby, I was pretty good at work/life balance. Ever since the little love of my life came into the world, I have not known how to do that at all. I think this weird life experience is reteaching me how to find balance.
Thanks for listening to my anxious rant. That was kind of like a therapeutic journaling session for me. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I don’t have to. So now I feel a little better…. Thanks!! :) :) :)
Amanda
I am on my 17th day at home. We are out of most fresh foods but do not want to go to the grocery store. I’ve been surprised at how this experience has brought our food consumption into focus- how much we eat, how much I’ve taken fresh food for granted, how fortunate we are to have food. I’m out of butter, milk, and chocolate- and how I miss them! We are on our 15th-ish game of Scrabble. Drew has taken up juggling. We take 2-3 long walks per day. I feel heartbroken, sad, overwhelmed, many times per day but I try to stay with the present. A newborn is helpful for staying present- Oslo eats, sleeps, poops, plays, looks at my face, and is beginning to smile. He is always in the moment, and as a result, he often brings me back to the present. And yet, I refresh the NYTimes many times per day.
I’ve been amazed at the rollercoaster of my thoughts. It is easy for me to switch from denial, acceptance, and anxiety all within a mere matter of minutes. I found this article from the Harvard Business Review incredibly helpful in naming this rollercoaster of emotions: That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief.
“We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way, and we realize things will be different. Just as going to the airport is forever different from how it was before 9/11, things will change and this is the point at which they changed. The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.”
Kessler also explains anticipatory grief, where we imagine the worst possible scenarios. This resonated with me deeply as I feel I do this many times per day.
What I have been doing to stay positive:
Organized a “card drop” for elderly family members, particularly those in assisted living/nursing homes. What’s a card drop? All family members send feel-good mail like drawings, photos, old photographs, etc.
I call people I wouldn’t normally call, particularly those living alone.
I am trying to send out one card or letter per day.
Daily walks, virtual yoga, and meditation have been life savers.
So that’s my check-in. I’m grieving. I wonder about what comes next. I miss my family. I miss community. I am hanging in there with Oslo snuggles and endless games of scrabble. I am grateful. I am hopeful. This is temporary, even though it’s going to be so much longer than we want it to be. We will get through this. <3
Joella
To be honest, I have to question what day it is every time I blink my eyes open in the morning. At this point, we just laugh about it. I make jokes about how I don’t have enough time to do anything in particular (even though I have mastered the ability to over schedule myself with zoom chats--the fun stuff!) I’ve never been so obsessed with technology until recently, and I definitely have never had this much time on my hands, a huge adjustment for someone who is so used to being on the move all.of.the.time.
I feel like technology has shown to be more important now than ever before, and I’ve never been so grateful for it. We are so lucky to have the means to stay connected and the ability to listen and read the most up-to-date news as it is happening. I find myself, far too often, with eyes glued to the news awaiting the latest updates and wondering when I’ll ever be able to see a group of humans again. Oh, what I would give to be back in the studio serving the community and finding our highest energy, creating zen in our collective space.
It’s funny how much we want something after we can longer have it. I promise to attend every gathering I’m invited to from here on out.
One thing is for certain, this entire experience is a beautiful reminder of all of the things to be grateful for in life. I’m grateful for my health, my strength, my love for laughs with friends and loved ones, my relationships, my ability to travel globally, and most importantly, I am grateful for the fact that we, as a society, consider liquor stores 'essential’😜. This sense of gratitude has helped pull me out of my overwhelming anxiety when all of this originally exploded.
I’m not going to lie, the first week of unemployment was tough, and I had to work hard to be ok with the unknown, which was accompanied with a river of undesired emotions. I went from working six days a week to not working at all, in just a matter of days. I knew I was over doing it and needed to slow down, but this was not necessarily how I saw this halt coming to fruition. The transition was unsettling.
I'm a social butterfly, yet I thoroughly enjoy my time alone.Yet, I’m a little shocked I haven’t gone insane yet. Thank goodness for my yoga practice allowing me to stay grounded during this time. it’s been rather interesting not being able to venture into someone else’s place, a restaurant, a bar, or even a movie theater. Walks have become my medicine. However, one of the most challenging things to accept is the inevitable truth that we really have no idea how long all of this will continue for.
I ask myself the same question every day...“ are we going to be ok?”
With an entire world drastically changing so quickly, how can anyone not ask this question at least once?
“Are we going to be ok?”
Am I afraid of the uncertainty our future holds? Absolutely. But, am I also hopeful for the future? Absolutely.
Through my yoga practice I’m working on finding balance.
This new experience has brought some of the best qualities in us to the surface. We have all witnessed an unwavering amount of love flooding the community in so many different ways. As a community, we have really stepped up to assure the health and support of those around us is made clear.
We have found a way to share our support virtually, physically, and mentally by showering the globe with a little more love, and love will always prevail.
I miss my friends and date nights out on the town, but I’m grateful for this time to slow down and to take a step back to reorganize my life before it picks back up again. I’m grateful for this opportunity to reconnect to my breath and my yoga practice, and I can’t wait until I am able to give all of you a real, in-person hug.
At times, this feels like a dream. But, with each rising sun and setting moon, I know that when it is all over we will all be much stronger and this community much brighter.
Hang in there yoga fam, we’re all in this together. ❤️
Stacy
How am I feeling you ask? I try to take things day by day. I always try to be a positive person but the numbers don't lie and the spread happened so quickly. I am down to working two days a week and our lobby for the Credit Union where I work is closed. Closing the lobby was the first moment things started to feel really eerie. I like to stay home so that is no problem for me at all. When I go into town for work the town is so desolate it's weird- like the Zombie apocalypse weird. No more hugs, very short talks and just sensing the fear and unknown in people.
When this all first started I spent my weekends putzing at home enjoying some adult beverages thinking “oh we will be back to normal next week.” Well here we are most everything closed until May 1st and still doesn't seem real. I have to say I am really proud of the community for quickly putting procedures and policies in place during this time. Grocery stores accommodate the local senior community providing the first hour of shopping to them. They are also closing early to clean the entire store. I am so thankful for our little grocery store. They are exposed to risk daily and keep trucking along. The liquor store is doing curbside pick up, and numbered their parking spaces with their phone number, so no one has to go in. How cool is that. I just think it is so awesome that people are listening and staying home, and businesses are putting things into place. Yes there are the ones who are not staying home, but I can't control that so I try not to stress about it. As long as I stay home, I know we will be okay.
Most of all I am proud of the yoga community improvising and moving their community online. I know it's been around awhile, but for me it's so nice to take yoga from my friends and peers.
My positives on the outbreak include people staying home and slowing down a little bit. For me, staying home is forcing me to tackle the clutter my husband and I have built up for the last 13 years. I tackled two rooms, made myself a little yoga sanctuary, made our office workable, and created a little linen closet. I've scrubbed walls and cupboards and it just feels so good. My husband and I are eating out less which feels good (but I may be eating more chocolate). Cooking our food has been nice and we are actually eating what we have at the house instead of going to the store multiple times per week. We’ve been hanging out in the garage while he’s restoring an old Chevy truck- brings me back to the old days.
OOOOH another positive is that I’m learning more about technology, including websites, video chats, and making yoga videos- OH MY!
The cons: Not knowing how long this is going to last . Having no eggs in the store. The fear of my dad getting this, or anyone close to me, fearing that my dad would not make it. People not staying home. Seeing the fear in everyone. Knowing that there are kids out there that are not in a safe home environment. People that own business that have no income right now. AND social distance is hard. I am a hugger and a chatter.
I know in my heart we will make it through this, and all I can do is take a deep breath and take each day minute by minute. All we can do is take the time to stay home and control what we can. Whenever I feel stressed I always clean, clean all the things. (It drives my hubby nuts because I make more of a mess at first, but I always feel so good after.) Maybe I'll do that gut healing protocol I have been putting off for a couple years because it never worked with my schedule.
If I could suggest one thing it is writing at least one thing daily that you are so grateful for. Mine is having a safe home with my husband and fuzzy little animals. Maybe get your family in on this too, and keep a journal just for that.
Just remember hard times make us stronger and we can make it through just about anything. Deep breaths, and do things that keep us grounded. Like spring cleaning or a project at home. I see families doing puzzles , and I think that is just a great way to keep your mind grounded and at home. Go for walks outside, pick up litter outside. Don't forget to wash your hands, don’t touch your face, and practice social distance
With Love, Stacy
