Negativity, Toxic Positivity, and Balance Through Yoga
A conversation with Bryana and Amanda
Bryana: Times are tough. I oscillate (QUICKLY) between gratitude, fear, optimism, cynicism, hope, and feelings of grief and doom. My attention span is short. My skill in planning is completely useless and counterproductive. I have been feeling EXTREMELY STUCK lately.
Absolutely everything is one giant contradiction right now. Like this sarcastic and hilarious social media post by Adley Stump about the “clear rules around COVID-19” right now.
It’s mind blowing. The contradictions in the messaging, and in my own thoughts, bring me to a place of “stuck” and I have a hard time feeling I can move forward on anything, let alone start or complete a project that I know would be good for me.
I find it’s both beneficial, and also harmful, to give myself some time to feel my negative emotions. I also find it’s both beneficial, and can be harmful, to only stick with digging into my positive emotions. In talking with Amanda today, we explored the need and space for both: a time limit on airing one’s negative thoughts and feelings, and then inviting space for positive hopeful ones.
Why focus on the negative at all? We discussed the term “toxic positivity”. Amanda, can you share your thoughts on that?
Amanda: This week the Star Tribune shared an article on Toxic Positivity. Psychologists warn that while well-intentioned, emphasizing “finding the bright side” or a message of “we’re all in this together” can be harmful because it encourages people to suppress their real feelings.
I immediately panicked. I asked my husband if he thought I was exuding Toxic Positivity, or worse, pushing that viewpoint on others. He laughed and said, “I don’t know who you think you are, but you are more on the Eeyore end of the spectrum.” In person (real life), I tend to be very pragmatic. I worried that my online persona however, was encouraging toxic positivity by hosting a Star Wars themed yoga class, etc.
Bryana and I discussed, and I am trying to find the silver linings, because the negatives are glaringly obvious and all around us. The alternative to trying to cheer myself up is to simply feel like crap all the time.
So what’s the right balance? Bryana and I both loved this podcast by Brene Brown . In this episode, Brene and David Kessler, one of the world’s foremost experts on grief, share the importance of witnessing one another’s grief. We have all endured losses these past seven weeks. A track season lost, the sudden loss of income and identity that comes with closing a business indefinitely, a concert cancelled, a wedding postponed, a newborn that can’t be held by grandparents, the joy of attending school taken away, a baby shower cancelled- the list is endless. In the podcast, David Kessler states that “the greatest grief is always our own.” Meaning, these losses are all equal. All these losses matter, all these feelings are valid.
As a result, I am planning to switch up my weekly class this week. The weekly class is titled “Joyful Yoga and Creative Writing” and I’ve been attempting to bring a bit of joy to my yogis, knowing that so many hearts are heavy. This week instead of imaginary wands or light sabers, I am going to ask my yogis to share their grief.
And in the end I do know this: yoga always makes me feel better.
Bailey Aro Photography
Breathing deeply engages my parasympathetic response, sending me into the rest & digest response. I know yoga can help me tap into this deep, slow, meaningful way of breathing.
I know that the act of moving my body into various shapes makes me feel better. A year ago Drew and I visited The Met in NYC for the first time. It was an unimaginably joyful day for both of us, made even more so now because the city is likely to be different when we are able to visit again... But I digress. When one takes the audio tour of The Met, the audio tour encourages the listener to embody the poses of the sculpture, to physically change your physical position to mimic the statue. Click this link to view one of my favorite sculptures at the Met. Heck, you’re in isolation, go ahead, take on the physical posture. Now try this one. As you can see and feel, this immediately helps the viewer understand the emotion attached to the posture. When we move our body into a position of triumph or flight, as in the Diana sculpture, we feel stronger and more empowered. When we move our body into a position of grief, as in the Rodin sculpture, we can feel anxiety build in the body. Is this weird? Maybe. I don’t care. If moving my body into shapes that make me feel better, I will gladly force myself to get on my mat to feel better.
P.S. I just realized you can take a virtual tour of sculptures exploring body language from The Met. Super cool! Link can be found here- Viewpoints: Body Language
This sucks. There’s no two ways around it. So I am going to rely on the tools from my yoga tool belt to help me move through this in a way that is grounded. I am going to try to appreciate the moments of gratitude and joy amidst the heaviness. I will probably continue to try to bring along my yoga friends on the journey, to encourage them to make weird faces and wave around imaginary swords and laugh, even when we might just want to melt into the couch.
In conclusion, we realized there needs to be space for both. And in that space for both, we bring balance. To come back to equilibrium, yoga is the key - at least for us. And it’s not always a “yoga on the mat” practice that we are referring to. However, I will say that a yoga-on-the-mat practice is almost always soothing and helpful. If you can find time to make it to your mat - you will thank yourself.
Sending love your way, and permission and space to acknowledge the good, the bad, and the ugly.
